Degree of "Outness"

Degree of "Outness" is a concept that has crossed my mind often during the last few years. Of course, when I was in the military, I understood that no degree of "outness" was acceptable. This, even though I suspect most folks in the military have an understanding of which of their co-workers, bosses and subordinates are gay and lesbian. As someone once said, it's the great pretension, "the military pretends there are no gays and lesbians in it's ranks, and the homosexuals pretend they aren't who they are.

Although I fully support each person's right to "come out" in their own place and time, I also understand the value in each of us being who we really are...fully, openly and proudly. My first and best example of this was when I attended a networking event in the DC area earlier this year. It was only the second time I'd gone to a formal event to market my business, Les Connections, LLC (http://www.lesconnections.com/); and I wasn't sure what to expect. I suspected the moderator would go around the room and ask us to talk about our business, and as I suspected most of the other business people were hetrosexuals, what would I say?

When I walked into the room, I started talking to people right away, but kept the conversation very generic. Then, the third person I met, asked what kind of company I had. I said I had a niche professional and social networking company. Cynthia asked me what my niche was. I hesitated and then told her I cater to "special" women. That's when she told me her daughter was "special". Then another woman came up to talk to Cynthia and me and as it turned out, she was a lesbian. Barbara (that was her name), then took me to her table and introduced me to Beverly who told me her daughter was gay. When I finally made it back to my table, I learned that the husband of the couple sitting across the table had a lesbian sister. Wow! What an epiphany. We really are everywhere.

Shortly thereafter, the seminar leader went around the room to have everyone introduce themselves and describe their company. I turned to Cynthia and asked her: "what do you think, should I go for it"? She said: "sure, I've got your back". Well, when my turn came, I didn't use the word niche, or special, I just told the crowd that I had a professional and social networking site for lesbians. Know what" No one fainted, the air didn't get sucked out of the room, and in fact, several people approached me afterward to do additional networking.

Then I was recently at a party full of lesbians and we were having a discussion about how "out" we should all be here in our active adult community. One woman felt that we should have a rainbow club to join the 200 or so other clubs here in our community. Another woman felt that although we should be ourselves, we don't need to rub people's faces in it. After all she said, the other clubs (golf, dog park, canasta, democratic, cycling, etc.) weren't formed around who the members slept with.

So, here's my bottom line about the best degree of "outness"...totally out is really the only answer. Now, I understand there are many reasons why folks choose not to live "out and proud" (serving in the military is just one example). But, we really can't convince others we are okay if we aren't okay with ourselves. It was hard for me to stick my neck out and announce in a room full of strangers that I am a lesbian. In the end though, it felt great! Now that doesn't mean that I have to paint my house in rainbow colors, but it does mean that I'm not going to be evasive about having a "partner" versus a husband, and I'm not going take a back seat to more "traditional" couples. I'm finally totally comfortable in my own skin, I'm proud of who I am, and I don't ever intend to apologize for it again.

Continue to Be Hopeful

Yes, election day was bittersweet in that gay rights saw significant setbacks in several states. But,,,I remain hopeful as I see the gay community rallying for our rights around the country. In fact, tomorrow is a National Day of Protest for gay people around the Nation. Find out what's happening in your location by going to www.jointheimpact.com.

But let's talk about the whole "marriage" thing. Its a thorny issue, with much emotion on either side of it (much of it tied to that one simple little word: marriage). I offer a fairly simple solution though. Why not just separate legal "unions", from religious marriages? Back in my former life, when I married a man, we had to get a marriage certificate and then we got married in a church by a preacher. Why can't everyone (gay or straight) who wants to have a legally binding union, be required to get a marriage certificate which consummates a legal civil union. Then, those who want to be married "in the eyes of God", would go to a clergy person to be "married". Whether or not gay people could get married in a particular church would be up to the people of that church but, any such marriages would not provide any legal rights. Those legal rights would already have been conferred by the civil union.

I'm sure there are a million reasons why this won't work, or isn't acceptable to one group or another. Just seems like a simple solution to me.

Keep Up the Fight, Linda

Yeah!!!!

Well, the people have spoken, and we opted for "hope". President-elect Obama has much to learn and no doubt will soon realize why some things haven't yet been fixed...because they are dang hard to fix. But,,,at least Caribou Barbie has been banished back to the northern tundra!! I am hopeful now that very smart, savvy and talented people like Hillary Clinton and John McCain will work together with Obama to begin to get our country back on track.

What didn't work out so well, was the votes on the gay marriage issue. Arizona, Florida and California all passed amendments to their constitution to ban gay marriage. The backlash in California is the largest and very appropriate. This is a civil rights issue and we need to ensure we are heard. It is time for us to stand together, stand for what is right, and stand up and be counted. Our voices cannot be silenced, we will not just return to the closet. We are law-abiding Americans fighting for our country, paying taxes, and raising children. We want what every other American wants, a safe life for ourselves and our family, freedom to think what we want and strive to better ourselves, and the ability to pursue happiness. It may take us longer than we think, but we will get there.

Can You Believe It?

One week to go and McCain seems to have found a consistent message. Obama is running to be "Redistributionist in Chief" and McCain is running to be "Commander in Chief". He said recently that Obama believes he needs to raise taxes and McCain believes spending has been too high. Interesting way to pitch it since I bet Obama believes spending has been out of control too. Bush has left us with unparalleled debt (just as Reagan did before him), and we must get it under control.

The bottom line continues to be: either you want things to change, or you are happy with the status quo. If you hoped McCain would live up to his Maverick status, any hope of that went out the window when he picked Palin as his running mate. I thought McCain would maybe be okay until he unleashed Palin on us. I know longer have any faith in his judgement...I mean, "I'm suspending my campaign"...and then he didn't deliver anything on the bailout?

Please get out and vote on 4 November. This is a critical election and every vote counts.

Best Lesbian Links: Time is running short!!!

Best Lesbian Links: Time is running short!!!
And don't forget Prop 102 in Arizona. If ever there was a time for our community to stick together and support each other and our common interest, it is NOW. The McCain/Palin ticket is a joke and won't bring positive change to Washington. Please get out and vote, the sooner the better, and encourage others to do the same.

Get Out and Vote - The Sooner, The Better

My partner and I just stumbled upon the opportunity to vote early today and we jumped at it. Felt really good to have our say, and we didn't even have to wait in any long lines to do it. There is no doubt that this year's presidential election will see record numbers of Americans turn out to vote, and unfortunately, it is highly likely that there will be long lines and a fair amount of shenanigans that will surface on November 4th. We've already seen the "Right" allege that the ACORN voter false voter registration is some kind of liberal attempt to throw the vote toward Obama. I mean really, do they think Obama needs that? Who raised $150M in September alone?

The bottom line is that in this greatest democracy in the world (yes, we still are, despite the current administration's efforts to the contrary), the right to vote is one of our most sacred ones. I hope this election sees a turnout of more than 70%, (a rough average the latter half of this century is 53%). In fact, according to one website, we are 55th in the world with regard to voter turnout percentage. Sad, huh? So,,,please get out there and do your part, the sooner, the better!!

Okay, I just gotta say it!

I've been trying to stay apolitical on our website http://www.lesconnections.com/ and in our newsletter "Les Communique", but I really need to speak up about Sarah Palin. I believe her being the first woman to be a vice-presidential nominee is like having Shannon Faulkner be the first woman to attend the Citadel. We all know how that turned out! Just as Shannon was unprepared physically for the rigors of Citadel training, Sarah Palin is unprepared with regard to relevant experience, and I believe, intelligence. I can't imagine what John McCain was thinking when he named her his running mate, but for me, it just confirms what irrational judgement he has. I am quite frankly, also quite insulted that McCain thought that he could just name any woman his running mate and all those of the female persuasion would follow her off the cliff. Come on, the only thing Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton have in common is a vagina. Just a little over two weeks to go and I am holding my breath that the American people make the right decision. I really believe much is at stake during this election, so PLEASE get out and vote!

Pride in the Desert

Had a great time at Tucson Pride today. My partner and I took our dog Dolce with us, here she is at left in her Rainbow Pride "doo". We enjoyed the park, the music and the people; it was fabulous seeing our community out and proud, just like "regular" folk. We all know that's how it should be everyday; for now, we just need to stick together and keep advocating for what is rightfully ours.

Having been in the military for 22 years, I know what affect a closeted life has on people. I am a huge believer though, that everyone has the right to decide if, and when, they'll come out. It is their choice and no one else's. What I wish for though, is that everyone felt free to be themselves, because when it comes right down to it, that's what we do best.

Later, Linda

Time to Talk

Hello All. Les Parley is a play on French words that ties our website www.LesConnections.com with "to talk". I hope we can get some real discussion going about issues that matter to lesbians and other women who love and respect women.

I've purposely stayed away from political topics in my newsletter, "Les Communique", but in Les Parley, the kid gloves come off. I am tired of the mean campaigning and can't wait until November 4th so that I can help elect the next president (and vice-president) of the United States. Don't you just love how Rachel Maddow is covering the campaign? You go girl!!

How's the economy working for you? Don't forget to "keep it in our community" wherever you can. We have lesbian-owned businesses posted on our website and you can always check with you local LGBT Chamber of Commerce for sisters in your neighborhood.